Thursday, January 10, 2013

The most amazingly unbelievable thing ever just happened to me.

If you read the title and immediately thought "Hell yeah! She made another tutorial because she finally crafted something!" then you are absolutely wrong. Who do you think I am? Martha Fucking Stuart? But I digress, you came here because you wanted to know about the most amazingly unbelievable thing ever that wasn't a crafter making a craft.

Well, it all started with days, upon weeks, upon years of blowing off my laundry. Ew. Not really years... that would just be disgusting  And weeks is okay because I have no children and a ridiculous amount of undies, mostly due to the fact that I hate doing laundry. But I digress, it all started with laundry. I forced Husband Guy to force me to do my laundry today because I was down to my last clean pair of comfortable undies. Around here, laundry is never just laundry because just as much as I have a problem doing laundry, I have a problem putting away my laundry. That means before I can even start compiling my weeks worth of dirty undies, socks and tank tops I have to first hang up all the laundry I haven't managed to wear in the past two rounds of laundry. After what seemed like the most daunting task I've tackled in my life, I was finally able to get down to it: The Collection Time. Under normal circumstances this would probably be an easy task. But nothing I do or encounter is under normal circumstances. If you have not put two and two together yet, having not put away my laundry means that I have nowhere to put my dirty laundry. Nowhere but everywhere. Living room, bedroom, bathroom, hallway, etc...

Now that the laundry is gathered, the socks are turned right side in, certain shirts are inside out and the bra is in its designated bra bag, I can actually haul all this shit down to the laundry room. Now would probably be the time to mention that I have a wicked awesome laundry shoot that I do not use. I'm afraid my clothes will get stuck and I'll have to wear something I hate for the rest of my life because the idea of sticking a pole down to push it out never crosses my mind in the heat of the moment. Yes, I know a laundry shoot might be the greatest thing ever invented and you might be wondering if that is this "most amazingly unbelievable thing ever" that I am speaking if, but it's not.

So there we are, the laundry is done and it's time to put it away. Normal, non bizarro Kori would just leave it in the laundry basket until next time, but I guess I was feeling a little domesticated friskyness and started putting stuff away. I even put everything on hangers!!! But here is where it gets weird... and amazingly unbelievable. I usually just drag out all the socks and undies, throw them on the bed then wait until the end to sort and put them in their drawer. Nothing new this time. I grabbed the mismatched socks that were already in the drawer and went on my way matching the pink socks with the other pink socks, the thin puma socks with the other thin puma socks and so on. I got all the way downstairs and ready to grab a beer before I realized what had happened: For the first time in my life ever, and probably anybody else's life ever, EVERY SOCK HAD A MATCH! That spot I designate in the middle of my drawer for the lonely leftovers with no significant other can now house something that was never allowed in there before: My bras! It's so insanely unbelievable that Husband Guy does NOT believe me! I'm half tempted to drag him up to my sock drawer and make him see for himself but he'd probably end up stopping at my bras in their new home and forget why he came up there in the first place.

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