Saturday, January 12, 2013

The Power of the Frown.

I had an epiphany last night while thinking of an old adage that used to rule the world. Do you remember anyone telling you that you should smile because it uses less muscles than frowning? Does a smile really use less muscles? I have high doubts that there is really any truth to it, but as a child it was easily believed and therefor easily spread as the truth. Well, while my brain was busy going a million miles an hour and the rest of me was trying to sleep, I became a genius. Like the majority of women (and men) out there, I am trying to lose weight. I have been going to the gym and have also decided that eating healthier couldn't hurt. Of course I don't want to buy into anymore myths now that I am an adult, so I need to try this eating healthier thing out for myself before I can tell you it actually works. That lead me to a decision of Weight Watchers PointsPlus-ing it for a week. But of course, that just isn't enough. Even when combined with the gym. While my mind was racing and trying to think of another added bonus I could do to push my weight loss over the barrier, I started thinking about the previously mentioned adage. It was used as a threat that you would be wasting energy if you frowned, so why not flip that around? The more you frown, the more muscles you are using. Duh! It was right in front of me all these years and I just never opened my eyes and brain wide enough to see it. It is SO simple! I just need to frown ALL THE TIME! It's not that hard for me since everything and anyone seems to be so disappointing these days. Really it's a wonder I haven't been losing weight for the last several years. I guess I just haven't been trying hard enough; I still let some people make me smile. No more I say! No more to smiling. Yes folks, it's just that easy. But don't take my word for it, try it out for yourself. Go ahead. Frown your little heart out. And people say there are no short cuts to physical fitness. Who are they to mess with the power of the frown!

Don't take my word for it. Just look at our super handsome (and very fit) President! He really is a model of how to do it all! He has mastered the Power of the Frown so wonderfully that he has plenty of allotted 'smile days' on his calendar. 

For those of you who still doubt me and would still like to use my other weight loss devices, here is a link to my new board on Pinterest with healthy recipes and their PointsPlus values: Weight Watchers for a Week. I will be adding even more to it once I find out if it's actually beneficial to my cause. You can also get the point values of stuff you already have in the house with this calculator: PointsPlus Calculator for Food or find out how many PointsPlus you get with this calculator: Daily Target PointsPlus. I also have a board dedicated to quick little exercises and exercise plans that you can do while at home in case a gym membership isn't in your plans: Workin' It

Also, since I have been working on toning more so than actual weight loss, which means that my scale has been letting me down, I got this handy little device to prove I am actually getting smaller:
I do still use my scale, and so does my husband and a few friends, so we found a way to do it all without having to keep track of shit ourselves.
The Aria lets you track up to ten people so you don't have to do it alone. It was definitely worth the money to have an accurate and social scale in my household. 

Friday, January 11, 2013

I made Strawberry Cheesecake Cake... and it sure is tasty. LOLCats included!

Introduction

Let me start by saying that 99% of my creativity comes from other people's creativity. I think that's why sites like Pinterest do so well because we all either need a little push or a giant shove to get our creative juices flowing. While I have used ideas from Pinterest as is, I mostly see something I like and tweak it to fit my needs or just plain be more awesome. Let's be honest, some shit on that website is just hideously ugly or so poorly executed that I can't understand how it's so popular. That being said, I think I should at least give you what you came here for before I start my rant about Pinterest.

A few days before I was throwing a White Elephant Dinner Party I got a wild hair up my ass to make a cake, some cookies and some other random side dish that escapes me right now. I came across a recipe for a pistachio cake that had all the potential in the world the be disgusting and avoided like the plague at the party. To my surprise, it was incredible. Everybody loved it and asked for the recipe. It was super easy to make and might be the moistest cake I've ever had in my life. Here is the recipe: Amazeballs Pistachio Cake

I made mine in two bread/meatloaf pans and cooked them for about 45 minutes instead of the recommended 55 the first time but they took the whole 55 when I made them again a week later. What can I say? My oven is bi-polar. Or it could be the fact that I was trying so hard to make the cake purple that the extra 25 drops of food coloring change the science or some shit like that. Either way, it took longer and I still had a delicious cake. A weird brownish purple cake that looked inedible, but delicious nonetheless.

This is where my words earlier finally come into play: I really like to tweak the things I find on Pinterest to make my own. About half of them are complete failures but this one made the cut. It all started with wanting a purple pistachio cake but the green of the pistachio pudding just would not let that poor purple cake come to fruition. So why not use a different flavor pudding? I am a genius. And not only will I change the flavor of the pudding, but the flavor of the cake, too! Oh this is just so exciting! Here we go:

Recipe you came here for:

Strawberry Cheesecake Cake:

1 box (18.25 oz) of Strawberry flavored cake. I use off brand because it's cheaper and works just as well.
1 box (3.4 oz) of Cheesecake flavored pudding mix.
4 Eggs
1 1/2 c. Water
1/4 c. Vegetable Oil
Whipped Cream Cheese Icing (optional but recommended, can lightly sprinkle powdered sugar on top instead)


  1. Preheat oven to 350ยบ F
  2. Grease and flour two loaf pans or one 10 inch tube pan
  3. Mix cake and Pudding in large bowl and make a well in the center
  4. Add water, oil and eggs to well
  5. Blend ingredients then beat for two minutes at medium speed
  6. Split evenly between two loaf pans or pour into 10 inch tube pan and bake for 45-55 minutes or until cakes springs back when lightly pressed.
  7. Cool in pan for 15 minutes then move to a wire cooling rack until completely cool.
  8. Lightly dust with powdered sugar, ice or leave plain.
  9. Enjoy!

You may be wondering why I did not do a walk through where I put a picture after every single step. Here's why: I hate that shit! To each his own, but that really annoys the crap out of me. I will give you badly actioned Photoshop pictures that cover up my inability to patently take a picture (if I remember to even take pictures), but please don't expect me to write out the recipe/directions twice because I think it is a waste of time. I would much rather be bitching about idiots on Pinterest. This is what I will do instead:





Continuation of Pinterest bitching from earlier in this post:

I HATE BAD PINNERS! I don't understand what is so hard to understand about pinning on Pinterest. It has to be the simplest concept I have every come across and that is not just because I can strip and rebuild a computer for fun on a random, snowy Saturday. If you don't have time to check the validity of a pin, just 'like' it and go back later. I am SO sick of clicking on pins that either go NOWHERE, have JUST a picture and NO instructions or are spam. I'm looking at you... yes YOU! I'm not trying to give some lesson here... really I'm not... but I just need to say this to someone who understands and if you've ever clicked a pin in your life, then you know what I'm talking about. So just curious... even though you know this, why do you still perpetuate the annoyance?


Moving On...

As I said before, this cake is beyond moist. It is also heavy. It is not a light, fluffy angel food cake type cake. It is an almost wet, heavy, yet still a fluffy-in-a-weird-way kinda of cake. The cream cheese icing is what really makes it taste more like a cheesecake, but for a stronger cheesecake flavor you can try this:


Please feel free to pass this along as you see fit, the recipe or the blog. I am not one to demand I be recognized for an alteration of something someone already made that was this simple. Not that I would turn the love away either, because I would appreciate a few page hits or followers to boost my ego and help me keep up with my rants, recipes and occasional crafting, but I surely won't force it upon you. I will just kill you with guilt kindness and hatred cute kittens until you do it on your own accord. 



Thursday, January 10, 2013

The most amazingly unbelievable thing ever just happened to me.

If you read the title and immediately thought "Hell yeah! She made another tutorial because she finally crafted something!" then you are absolutely wrong. Who do you think I am? Martha Fucking Stuart? But I digress, you came here because you wanted to know about the most amazingly unbelievable thing ever that wasn't a crafter making a craft.

Well, it all started with days, upon weeks, upon years of blowing off my laundry. Ew. Not really years... that would just be disgusting  And weeks is okay because I have no children and a ridiculous amount of undies, mostly due to the fact that I hate doing laundry. But I digress, it all started with laundry. I forced Husband Guy to force me to do my laundry today because I was down to my last clean pair of comfortable undies. Around here, laundry is never just laundry because just as much as I have a problem doing laundry, I have a problem putting away my laundry. That means before I can even start compiling my weeks worth of dirty undies, socks and tank tops I have to first hang up all the laundry I haven't managed to wear in the past two rounds of laundry. After what seemed like the most daunting task I've tackled in my life, I was finally able to get down to it: The Collection Time. Under normal circumstances this would probably be an easy task. But nothing I do or encounter is under normal circumstances. If you have not put two and two together yet, having not put away my laundry means that I have nowhere to put my dirty laundry. Nowhere but everywhere. Living room, bedroom, bathroom, hallway, etc...

Now that the laundry is gathered, the socks are turned right side in, certain shirts are inside out and the bra is in its designated bra bag, I can actually haul all this shit down to the laundry room. Now would probably be the time to mention that I have a wicked awesome laundry shoot that I do not use. I'm afraid my clothes will get stuck and I'll have to wear something I hate for the rest of my life because the idea of sticking a pole down to push it out never crosses my mind in the heat of the moment. Yes, I know a laundry shoot might be the greatest thing ever invented and you might be wondering if that is this "most amazingly unbelievable thing ever" that I am speaking if, but it's not.

So there we are, the laundry is done and it's time to put it away. Normal, non bizarro Kori would just leave it in the laundry basket until next time, but I guess I was feeling a little domesticated friskyness and started putting stuff away. I even put everything on hangers!!! But here is where it gets weird... and amazingly unbelievable. I usually just drag out all the socks and undies, throw them on the bed then wait until the end to sort and put them in their drawer. Nothing new this time. I grabbed the mismatched socks that were already in the drawer and went on my way matching the pink socks with the other pink socks, the thin puma socks with the other thin puma socks and so on. I got all the way downstairs and ready to grab a beer before I realized what had happened: For the first time in my life ever, and probably anybody else's life ever, EVERY SOCK HAD A MATCH! That spot I designate in the middle of my drawer for the lonely leftovers with no significant other can now house something that was never allowed in there before: My bras! It's so insanely unbelievable that Husband Guy does NOT believe me! I'm half tempted to drag him up to my sock drawer and make him see for himself but he'd probably end up stopping at my bras in their new home and forget why he came up there in the first place.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Motivation... for others.

I could address this post to the masses, because you can clearly see I have like a million followers, but instead I choose to pick out one of my devoted followers in particular. It has come to my attention that Miss Felicia Lawrence would like to start blogging again but is perhaps lacking in some areas. Whether it be motivation or just plain lack of creativity (who are we to judge), I have decided to take it upon myself to push her in the right direction. It may not be a craft per say, but we can call it the FeFe Craft for the sake of keeping this thriving blog on track.



Now, you may wonder what business I have keeping someone motivated. Don't. I am way better at motivating and bringing out the creativity in other people than I do myself. If you have to wonder why then you clearly did not Google the definition of lackadaisical before reading this blog. Okay... now that you are back from your visit to the local information hole, we can move on. I am clever. Or if you ask Felicia, I am cleaver. I realize this may not come across to you out there in interweb land, but I promise I am much better in person when I am in an unplanned environment with lots of booze. Speaking of booze, I must step out to find myself a glass of wine. Mmm...



Where were we? Sorry. I decided I needed to whole bottle before I could get back to the ridiculousness of blogging.

Oh yeah. Felicia. In order to move her in the right direction, I have decided that not only will I lure her into a dark alley and have my way with her... Oh wait... that's my plan for John Cusack. What I meant to say was how I intend to harass her mercilessly until she starts writing everyday (or almost everyday) on her own terms. I know, I know... that will require me to be motivated enough to pick up the phone and text her (as well as a killer memory) but I think I have that covered: Future Text. Oh yes, there is an app for that and I think I'm going to download it right now. What is Future Text? It just so happens to be an app that I can program texts to be sent at a future date and time. If I set up the app to send her a hateful "get to work on that blog" texts every hour on the hour (or once a day...) until she gets where she should be and I still get to be lazy!

In order to help her get started on the right foot, tonight we are going to craft. Not that she won't have enough to write about for her 'welcome back' blog (how awesome Kori is, how much of a help I am, how I am her best friend, etc...), but since It should only be around 99% about me, we are going to craft! OMG! What?! That's Crazy! Those are some of the things you, my loyal audience of millions, may be saying to yourself right now, but it's true. We are going to craft. Okay, we are going to try and craft. At the very least we will talk about what things we want to craft while watching Pretty Little Liars.

So what might you be (talking about) crafting tonight is the next question on your mind, right? Can I predict you people or what?! According to a random Facebook post that lead to talks of cats with puffy paints sweaters, Felicia refuses to craft without a crafting T-Shirt. This crafting T-Shirt to be exact:



So being the genius that I am, I suggested we craft these shirts so we are better prepared to craft next time! Go ahead, awe in astonishment over my amazeballs status. Told you I was clever! But it doesn't stop there! Not only will our shirts be the perfect accessory for craft night in the Lackadaisical Crafter's Sanctuary, they will be perfect for a night out on the town!


If by chance we actually get these shirts made tonight (or ever), you can be sure that the pictures will end up here! As for you Felicia, GET TO WORK. No really. You are at work right now reading this and you should be doing actual work so you can get over here with the quickness. My gazillions of readers are waiting!

p.s. I just laughed hysterically to myself thinking about that time when you fell down my stairs in front of a bunch of strangers. It was like seven degrees of Kevin Bacon or something because it all started with a pin on Pinterest about sock buns. I thought it was so funny that I needed to come back here and add it to the blog so my bazillions of followers could have a good laugh, too!

Thursday, June 21, 2012

The Crafter Needs Money For More Crafts

It's garage sale time! Get your money out and come spend it at my house!

You can find the listing here:
Go to overland-park yard sales on yardsalesearch.com and my listing is called Super Awesome Five Family Garage Sale


And some pictures of my stuff are right here:





Help me feed my Pinterest addiction!

Friday, March 9, 2012

Floating Shelf: Almost never was and still isn't.

Before I knew I was going to be buying a house, I started a shelf project. Since I had no idea I would be making a blog based on things I would make, I do not have pictures of the entire progress. The shelf is not quite done, but I figured now was as good of time as any to show you what I have and tell you how I did it.

This is what it looks like now:













It started as a couple of dingy media shelves that I no longer used. They had a cheap cardboard back, multiple holes for the shelving pegs and no charm what-so-ever.

What you need
Old media shelf
MDF
Nails
Putty
Sand Paper
Primer
Paint
Sealer
Screws
Wall Anchors
Drill (optional but very helpful)
Contact Paper (optional)
X-acto knife (optional)
Tape (optional)
Vinyl transfer paper (optional)
Husband Guy (optional but also very helpful)


Step One
Remove the crappy cardboard! That will definitely NOT hold the shelves up when you hang them on the wall.

Step Two
Measure the back so you can buy a board that will fit and hold the shelf up. I bought some cheap-ish MDF and as easy as I thought the process would be, I was wrong. The guy at Sutherland's was a complete idiot an tried to cut it all crooked. I had to chase someone down that was off work and leaving to ask him if he could cut it for me.

Step Three
I used some smaller (but not too small!) nails to attach my board. Super easy.

Step Four
Use some kind of wood filler to plug up those holes. I just used some spackle I had around from filling holes in apartment walls when I moved out. It worked great!

Step Five
Sand. Here is where I made a mistake. I only sanded the holes. I really should have sanded the entire thing so the paint would stick better. I initially didn't do that because I didn't think the crappy particle board and weird laminate crap would sand well. You really just need to rough it up a bit, not actually sand the whole damn thing.

Step Six
Paint. Well, don't just paint it. You need to prime it first to also help with the paint staying where you want it. I used this Bulls Eye 1-2-3. One coat may look like it will do it but I would go for two just to be safe. Once it's dry you can buff out any drip looking spots or lumps with a fine grit sand paper. Wipe of the dust really well and start with your regular paint. I chose white. Here is a picture of the painted shelves:













Another thing I didn't do that I wish I had was sealed the dumb thing. If I had sanded and sealed, I probably wouldn't have to repaint these things, but that is on deck as a project because I left it out originally.

Step Seven
This step actually involves a few things, but I'm going to include it all here because there are so many different ways you can do it. You can also skip this step and move on to number 10 if you don't want to ad any decorate what-nots to your shelf.

The hard way: Better known as the way I did it. I bought some textured contact paper from Home Depot and cut it to the size in my shelf. I made my design in Photoshop, printed it out on several pieces of paper, taped them together and taped it to the contact paper. Insert Husband Guy who is very handy with the x-acto blade. He cut out the design and we fought for over 30 minutes trying to put it on the shelf right.

The easy way: If you have a Silhouette, you can make the machine cut out your design on sticky vinyl. If not, you can still do it the way we did, but I would HIGHLY suggest using vinyl transfer paper instead of trying to place it by hand. It will turn that 30 minute ordeal into a quick five minute thing. If you don't have a Silhouette, might I suggest the new Cameo. I just got mine and it is incredible! Unlike the Cricut and other cutting machines, you can make your own designs to cut out!!! You'll see this in action with my next blog.



This is my shelf with the design laying inside so I can make sure I like it:













I had used paper that already had stuff on the other side because I try not to be a paper waster. 

Step Eight
Contact paper does not stick very well and neither does some vinyl. I covered my design with two coats of glossy Mod Podge. It actually gave my textured contact paper an even better look. I wish you could see how cool it looks in the picture!

Step Nine
This will have to be filled in later because I plan on adding a glass tile trim and some ribbon around my contact paper. I only have to add the ribbon because I cut my contact paper very poorly around the edges and it doe not match up so great. I may end up painting this whole shelf black and using the negative cutouts on the other shelf and keeping that one white. It would make a nice contrast.

Step Ten
This is the part where you hang it on the wall. Always make sure it will be level and that you like the placement before you start drilling holes. This shelf only used three screws, one in each side and one in the center, all three at the top( duh!). Use wall anchors if you are hanging it on dry wall instead of studs. The other shelf has my Kinect and video games on it, so just in case I put six screw in. I know it's a little overkill, but better safe than sorry.

I will update this the next time I have time to work on this project so you can see how far it has come along and maybe get some more inspiration. Please feel free to ask any questions or give some suggestions. Maybe even share your own project ideas!

On Deck: Key holder, necklace and fun zombie wall art!